I feel alone and lost, as if I can’t find my way back. I’m exhausted and feel like I’m sinking. I’m realizing how frustrated and drained I am. It’s getting harder to function each day. I feel like I’m trapped in my body and can’t escape.

At times I wonder if life will get better. Will I get to enjoy the things in life others get to? Being bed bound makes you see and feel differently. I’m realizing more and more things are getting harder. Life is filled with hurdles both left and right. I feel like I’m suffocating in my body, and it’s not worth fighting for.

I want to scream from the pain. I feel like I’m trapped, unable to break free. All I do is cry. I’m starting to hate myself more, and don’t care. I keep hoping that if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and this nightmare will end. Sadly, that hasn’t happened.

I hate how alone and trapped I feel. I’m stuck. Sadly, things won’t get better until after I have surgery. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a reason this is happening to me. Not in a pity way; trying to understand why this is occurring. What can I learn from this experience?

I wish I could see my worth, something I haven’t been able to see in a long time.

I’m good at putting a front on, telling people I’m okay. In reality, I’m not okay. I need help, and my hands are tied. 50 more days until my back will be realigned. Until then, I must hold on.

My soul reminds me daily that this isn’t my forever.

“Keep going, Trace. It will get better. Have faith, things will go up from here. This is temporary.”